Acceptance
Of Life's Unimaginable Perfection
Flowers don’t struggle to blossom.
They don’t seem to doubt their expression, the color they turn, how long they’ll live, or what part of the garden they grew up in.
They just are their flowery self.
Animals are also conscious beings, but they too seem more accepting of their furry, feathery, or amphibian fate.
They also seem to be able to express love. Feel sad, happy, or experience grief, but they don’t seem to question their expression. The birds don’t seem to worry that their voice is pitchy and the elephants don’t worry about their size.
They seem to trust life. To just experience it.
They grow, adapt, and experience themselves as they are.
When I see nature reflected in a calm body of water (even this man-made ditch we passed this morning on our walk:) it reminds me of the saying…
“As above, so below”.
In this case, double the beauty.
Or so that’s what struck me - there was a bit of a bonus fog coming up and the clouds were lit up in a way I’d never seen.
I felt moved by the beauty and perfection of nature.
On the other hand, the blackflies have started to come out, it’s been raining an awful lot and it’s muddy and when I wear my tall boots my socks fall inside of them and bunch up at my foot which I hate, and oh and Gracie came crashing out for the woods and ran up to me proudly with a cute little deer’s leg bone (hoof intact with bits of fur). Ugh. Is she going to get sick now? I wonder if I should take her to the vet…
You probably see where I’m going with this.
The incessant ticker tape of commentary we seem to have going on in our minds is not even the problem, it’s natural and as creative beings, scientists tell us we have thousands of them every day, but the images we hold in our minds, the ones we focus on and empower with our life force WILL be reflected to us in our own bodies of water.
Because we ARE nature.
What’s happening in our ticker tape ABOVE is directly affecting our experience of life and personal reality BELOW.
I have friends who work with horses that teach the importance of managing our inner coherence before walking into a barn because we’re carrying what’s on our minds and hearts into the barn with us. Our kids do too when we come home from work.
They experience our whole ditchy selves. We’re mostly made of water so it’s no wonder. There is always a correspondence between the laws and phenomena of the various energetic planes of Being and Life.
This helps explain why in many different spiritual practices around the world, we’re asked not to resist life. To “let go” or “accept” whatever perceived terrible thing is causing suffering in our lives.
“Happiness can only exist in acceptance”.
George Orwell
I think it’s safe to say that we all naturally want to fight against the things that threaten to harm us.
If we live long enough it seems that we will all face a crisis or a diagnosis, and the pain and discomfort can feel all-consuming so it’s natural to want to resist and fight back. So why are most spiritual traditions and wisdom teachings telling us the EXACT opposite reaction is the surest way to freedom?
We’re assured that peace will come when we stop trying to control or punish others for hurting us by loving our “enemies”, treating them the way we want to be treated, and turning the other cheek.
Why on earth would we not strike back?
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”.
Protestant theologian Reinhold Niebuhr (early 1930’s) - *used in AA
It reminds me of the deep wisdom underlying the practice of Eastern martial arts:
Don’t resist the opponent’s force.
Instead, yield to overcome.
Sometimes, “doing nothing” when you are in a state of intense presence is a very powerful transformer and healer of situations and people. It takes more effort to bite our tongue, not to send the text or the email when all we want to do is to set the record straight.
In Taoism, there is a term called wu wei, which is usually translated as “actionless activity” or “sitting quietly doing nothing.” In ancient China, this was regarded as one of the highest achievements or virtues.
It’s radically different from inactivity in the ordinary state of consciousness, or rather unconsciousness, which stems from fear, inertia, or indecision.
And yet, our deeply embedded culture’s automatic mechanism of effort or escape seems to be our first reaction.
How do we learn how to use the catalytic effect of acceptance to transform our experience?
It’s not as hard as you would think. It’s a shift in perception so I’ll leave you with a bit of poetry, a parable, a handful of true short stories, and 3 practical steps today that summarize the process of acceptance so you can see if you’d like to give this a try in your own life.
This poem by Steve Taylor (2016) is a powerful illustration of what goes on in our minds when we choose to either resist or accept…
THE ALCHEMY OF ACCEPTANCE
Emptiness can be a bleak vacuum
cold and hostile, dark with danger;
Or emptiness can be a radiant spaciousness
warm and welcoming, soft with stillness –
and the only difference between them is acceptance.Any task can seem tedious
a chore to rush through as quickly as you can;
Or any task may seem rewarding
a process to relish, with an attentive mind
that reveals more richness, the more present you become –
and the only difference between them is acceptance.Pain may seem unbearable
searing through you from a sharp, concentrated point
so that you have no choice but to resist
to try to escape, or to push away the pain;
Or pain can be a sensation
which you can move towards and merge with
which no longer has a centre, and dissipates and spreads through your being
until it becomes soft and numb, no longer a pain at all –
and the only difference between them is acceptance.Trauma and turmoil can break you down to nothing
destroy the identity you spent your whole life building up
like an earthquake that leaves you in ruins;
Or trauma and turmoil can transform you
break open new depths and heights of you
give rise to a greater structure, a miraculous new self –
and the only difference between them is acceptance.Life can be frustrating, and full of obstacles
with desires for a different life constantly disturbing your mind;
Or life can be fulfilling, full of opportunities
with a constant flow of gratitude for the gifts you have,
and the only difference between them is acceptance
I LOVE that poem. We could go on and on with neverending examples, pretty much anything to do with us trying to negotiate the frailties of being human.
The issues we all naturally face, the ones that are beyond our control, that don’t seem fair, and yet we still spend so much of our life force energy complaining, feeling bitter, frustrated, and agitated.
We try to fix, plan, change, and control.
Because if we didn’t, things would fall apart…wouldn’t they?
What else are we collectively resisting?
Two biggies: Old age and death come to mind.
Our Western culture, in particular, seems to be going into debt to try to prevent the natural process of aging. We’ve declared war on our wrinkles and have diligently covered the evidence of grey hair. We’ve invested a small fortune in 27-step skincare routines and we buy food supplements at the health food store called things like Lion’s Mane that we’re not convinced is helping us.
Or does the process of aging liberate you? Do you feel enriched by a life well-lived with hard-earned wisdom? Do you feel more present, appreciative, free, and lighter now? Do you love your life, appreciate your aging body, and feel grateful to reach the age you’re at?
Is death an avoided topic of conversation in your family? Do you fear or dread the cold, black, unknown emptiness that threatens to rob you of your life, your loved ones, and everything you’ve achieved in life?
Or do you see it as the pinnacle of the end of a beautiful journey? Tired, fulfilled, happy, and content, you’re grateful for your family and all of the adventures with the life you’ve had and now you’re tired, slowing down, and ready to transition to whatever comes next.
The difference is ACCEPTANCE.
One of the biggest misperceptions we have when we face acceptance is that it’s not a spiritual bypass or denial of what is happening.
Just the opposite…it’s becoming one with whatever is happening.
Going deeper into it.
The opposite of avoidance. The opposite of numbing.
It’s also not about passivity.
Nor is it about resignation or not taking inspired action to alleviate suffering in ourselves or others.
We don’t refuse cancer treatments, but we DO embrace our diagnosis and don’t treat it like an enemy we’re fighting against because when we do we’re fighting against life.
Acceptance frees up energy and feeds a more passionate desire to help and contribute to the healing of the world.
It’s the STARTING POINT for necessary changes TO occur.
ACCEPTANCE is not weakness, it’s courage.
Acceptance aligns us with the laws of nature.
Having said all of that, YES of course it’s a perfectly normal impulse to resist whatever adversity we’re facing. It’s natural to want to take action to solve the issue. If we’re hungry, we eat. If we’re injured, we take action to aid our recovery. If we’re trapped we try to escape. If we’re being attacked we protect ourselves.
That’s natural, but we also carry our attitude of resistance into many other areas of our lives when it isn’t necessary or helpful.
We can also resist smaller things. Everyday situations like allergies, traffic, and waiting in line at the grocery store can result in frustration and impatience.
We may feel resistance toward our partners, children, and friends when they don’t behave as we desire. It’s the part of us that has us thinking thoughts like…I haven’t got time for this. Why does this always happen to me? or Why does she always do this?
It may also seem natural to feel unhappy in these situations.
But the main source of our unhappiness is not the situations themselves, but our resistance to them.
One of my favorite illustrations of the harmful effects of resistance is the Buddha’s parable of the two arrows.
The first arrow is shot at us from life, it’s the pain that we experience as human beings when life surprises us with the unexpected. An illness, a job loss, a breakup, a bankruptcy.
It’s what happens TO us.
The second arrow (the Dukka) is much more dangerous. It is our resistance to our suffering, including negative thoughts, judgments, and hostility towards others.
It comes FROM us.
The second arrow is totally and completely unnecessary.
The Buddha taught his followers to accept predicaments and free themselves from mental anguish. The first arrow is not something we can control, but whatever we do face becomes MUCH more tolerable without the second arrow that always comes from us.
Our minds are powerful and when we are in acceptance they bow down and serve our souls.
We become one with life, with reality.
Resistance inevitably leads to discord creating conflict between us and our perceived reality, since our thoughts are in direct opposition to what is.
Our perception, in turn, creates our reality. Think of the ditch from my dog walk.
Animals and plants don’t do this, but we have free will so we get to choose.
It takes a lot of our energy to keep fighting - until we surrender, it can begin to feel like we’re a fort that is under perpetual attack.
Authentic spirituality is more about letting GO.
“Spirituality has much more to do with subtraction than it does with addition.”
Meister Eckhart
Here are a few real live stories to illustrate the power of acceptance in our daily lives…
STEVE
One morning, back in Augst 2000, Steve was doing a morning meditation enjoying the silence and calm. About 10 minutes in, he heard a sharp, annoying ringing in his ears. He was startled by it but at first, he wasn’t very concerned. He assured himself it would pass. It didn’t. It lasted weeks and then months. It was difficult to sleep with the high-pitch and impossible to meditate. He tried to mask it by drowning it out with white noise or music.
He went to a doctor and discovered it was tinnitus. He suspects it was caused by going to concerts and playing in a rock band when he was young.
However he got it, it was his now. With him 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
It was driving him crazy.
He eventually decided to face it.
Rather than resist it he moved towards it.
Accepted it. He sank into it and allowed himself to be immersed and to his surprise, the noise became less disturbing. The first night, fell asleep easily.
Within days all of his anxiety and agitation faded.
He still hears it today, but it just doesn’t affect him.
It’s there in a neutral, non-bothering way. He has since helped his wife with her lifelong painful and debilitating migraines that she could never medicate away the same way and she’s still getting them but she has experienced a significant reduction in their pain level and duration.
ANANTA
Ananta was traveling in Japan and she was arrested for having an illegal substance in her possession. She was sentenced to 2 years in a Japanese detention facility with extremely strict behavioral codes including serving the whole sentence in silence and working 12 hours a day in a factory.
She was suffering.
It felt unbearable. She couldn’t go on for another day. Here is what happened in her words:
She experienced an awakening transformation by not resisting but rather by going farther into her pain. A beautiful example of acceptance. She worked and stayed her sentence in this bliss and connection.
KEVIN
After decades of struggling with addiction and severe alcoholism, Kevin’s wife asked him to move out. Soon after he lost his job, all his money, his kids, and his dog and he was considering suicide.
He had a few hundred dollars left to his name and nowhere to go. He found himself in a phone booth looking for shelter and saw a card advertising an AA meeting. He went to one meeting, then another, and found himself 5 days sober.
He worked the steps and when he arrived on the step asking him to surrender to a higher power he tried and he experienced a powerful shift that brought with it a palpable new sense of freedom.
He felt a feeling so content and peaceful.
He was in disbelief. It was as if we were flooded with love and peace.
His troubles were lifted from him in an instant and although he owned nothing, he was happy. He feels safe.
He has not felt unhappy or troubled since that playful moment of total surrender. It felt like a miracle and he still feels that wellbeing to this day.
MICHAEL
Michael was an executive for a large medical management company. One morning he was going about his usual routine of getting ready for work and one of the office managers called his cell phone in a panic telling him he had to come to work immediately. The FBI was there and had questions.
Michael was confused he’d done nothing wrong and couldn’t even imagine what it was about. He reassured himself that he’d go in and clear it up in short order and he could get on with his busy day. He arrived to a circus of Federal marshalls, 50 officers, 2 helicopters flying overhead, and the sheriff and they were armed with a warrant.
It must be a terrible mistake.
It was a branch of the US Treasury Department and without telling him why they served him with a warrant and confiscated all of his stuff, millions of documents, thousands of files, and 1.2 million emails.
The raid was JUST the beginning of a very long painful process. He was innocent and had done nothing wrong but he had to prove it.
It turned out was being conned by someone who had been employed by him and had been embezzling money and committing fraud and was trying to save his own hide.
It was a nightmare for Michael and his family and executive team. They were arrested and publically disgraced.
It felt unbearable.
Then he surrendered. There was nothing he could do.
In the end, it was a SEVEN-year odyssey of highs and lows. The legal battle cost $190 million and still, Michael had done nothing wrong.
It wasn’t fair and to make matters worse…Michael’s good friend and lead counsel was diagnosed with cancer and needed surgery.
And the judge on the case after a few years had to step down.
Michael decided to continue to show up and practice the spiritual practices he’d cultivated over 40 years.
He started to write and relaxed into what was. He enjoyed his life again even during the process.
In the end, it was miraculously resolved in his favor by some divine intervention.
No scars were left on his psyche. He wasn’t bitter. He allowed himself to move farther and farther inside the pain and flow and he found a beautiful freedom and ended up in awe of how the whole experience taught him things he may never have had the chance to learn otherwise.
He changed. The more he let go, the freer he became.
He wrote a book and had it published.
It became a bestseller.
His full name was Michael Singer.
There seems to be a pattern with every story or 3 stages to harnessing the potential of our challenges:
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: Face your predicament.
EXPLORATION: Go inside yourself and explore your own experience. Become aware of any negative feelings or thoughts. The pain will diminish with your awareness of it.
ACCEPTANCE: Release all resistance. Embrace, accept it, and take inspired action.
It’s so liberating to me to realize that we have a choice.
We get to decide.
Viktor Frankl famously wrote one of the most popular and moving memoirs from WW2 - Man’s Search for Meaning - he learned in the concentration camps that we survive by being hopeful when the only control we may have over our situation is our attitude and how we respond to our experience.
I’ve learned the hard way, that the way I treat myself when I’m going through any issue - IS the issue.
Love, kindness, and compassion is the only way forward.
Let’s give nature the final word today:
“How surely gravity's law,
strong as an ocean current,
takes hold of the smallest thing
and pulls it toward the heart of the world.
Each thing---
each stone, blossom, child---
is held in place.
Only we, in our arrogance,
push out beyond what we each belong to
for some empty freedom.
If we surrendered
to earth's intelligence
we could rise up rooted, like trees.
Instead we entangle ourselves
in knots of our own making
and struggle, lonely and confused.
So like children, we begin again
to learn from the things,
because they are in God's heart;
they have never left him.
This is what the things can teach us:
to fall,
patiently to trust our heaviness.
Even a bird has to do that
before he can fly.”―Rainer Maria Rilke, Rilke's Book of Hours: Love Poems to God
Life rarely seems to unfold as we expect, but the 13.8 billion-year process didn’t begin and it won’t end with us. No matter how far you feel like you’re falling, trust that you are being held in place like the planets, and let’s see where it leads you.
Trust our true nature, not act on our fears.
To push the metaphysical template, the deeper truth is that ALL human pain is some form of resistance to the natural self.
“The healing is accomplished the instant the sufferer no longer sees any value in pain.”
ACIM - Manual for Teachers
It’s hard to even imagine that the Universe could be designed so perfectly that whatever will support our growth is right here, right now. By going DEEPER into whatever we’re experiencing.
Accepting it.
‘Feet on ground, heart in hand, facing forward, be yourself’.
Happy Mother’s Day.
With love,
Rev Nona