Going Solo
Wanderlust & the Wilderness Effect
How do you feel about doing things on your own?
I’m not sure if it’s because Scott and I have started watching “Alone” again, or maybe it was hearing stories from radiant friends just back from trips but the topic of flying solo is on my mind this month.
Have you ever considered booking a ticket for one? Traveling to a new place, hiking, camping, or signing yourself up for an adventure WITHOUT your partner, family, and friends but you’re not sure you can?
If so, today is for you.
I’ll share some reflections about solo travel and pilgrimages, highlight examples of real-life journeys taken by two of my friends this past month, and leave you with an enticing list of some of the most popular pilgrimage sites in the world, and even a song to listen to while you do.
Maybe something will call to you so if you feel your heart flip, get truth bumps, or feel curious maybe now is the perfect time for you to wander away from home.
"Wanderlust" can hit us at any age and sometimes when we least expect it. It’s basically when you have a desire to travel or go on a journey and explore the world.
“Travel: the best way to be lost and found at the same time.”
– Brenna Smith
I wonder if it’s not so much the traveling that takes courage, it’s the saying YES and the leaving home part.
The etymology of the word adventure comes from the Latin adventures - advent is a thing that is about to happen and in French “a venire” means to come or arrive.
Planning a new adventure feels like a preview of life’s coming attractions.
"The only journey is the journey within."
Rainer Maria Rilke
In truth, we don’t need to go anywhere, but in my experience when we travel solo we can more easily experience ourselves in a new way.
A change of scenery is a beautiful catalyst.
We can also meet the most incredible human beings young and old who align with us to help us along our authentic path. Some have taken me into their homes and fed me home-cooked meals, some treated me like family and others have parted ways with me after a few days and were on their way never to be seen again.
Even when I anticipate them, the synchronicities when I travel solo surprise me every single time.
Of course, we should be discerning- I gravitate to small groups and I have graciously turned down offers from perfectly nice people when something just feels a bit off…
Here’s a little gallery of total strangers from one solo trip - many of whom I can’t even remember their names…
A nice and safer way to dip your toe in the solo travel water may be to attend an organized retreat to something that tugs at your heartstrings.
A breathwork, meditation, or yoga retreat could open you up in new ways.
Do you ever feel a YES PLEASE in your whole body when you see a place you’ve never been…
Many of these spiritual retreat centers like Kripalu offer scholarships or volunteer opportunities. They also have sliding scales and room options from singles to dormitories depending on your budget.
I recently heard about a heartwarming connection made between “Field” subscribers here on another continent.
Fieldnote readers and friends of Cathy and Colleen live and work in different cities and mustered up the courage to take a solo trip of a lifetime to the Italian Countryside last year. They listened to their heart’s desires and planned, and when it was time to pack their bags they left their families and headed for a villa in the rolling hills of the beautiful Italian countryside to a 13th-century Tuscan farmhouse to slow down, learn how to cook a few healthy and rustic satisfying mangia fagioli (bean:) dishes from the domestic goddess Debbie Travis herself.
The experience brought them both deep joy. What I found amazing was that they could have gone any time but they happened to be staying in the same place at the same time.
Perfectly aligned.
It can be scary to branch out so we understandably easily shut down our yearnings, but today is about what can happen if you answer the call.
A beautiful double negative exists when we experience a change of scenery and do something physically, spiritually, or mentally challenging.
It can be particularly enticing on the edge of big life changes. A diagnosis that has threatened our longevity, a heartbreak, or a significant life transition like changing careers, retirement, or when our children leave the nest.
We can meet our discomfort and pain in a healing way by doing something out of the ordinary. Something unique, something spiritual to us that makes us feel more alive and connected and can help bring us home to ourselves.
I can remember feeling small sitting on these rocks overlooking the most incredible vista in Kenya feeling awe and reverence. It felt a bit “Lion-Kingie”. You know, the scene where Simba is shown growing up and transitioning from a cub to a teenager and into his adult years looking over the land- I even remember what I was thinking at the time in this photo. I remembered a little girl pouring over her parents’ Animal Kingdom encyclopedias filled with wonder. Here I was living the images.
WHAT IS YOUR SOUL LONGING FOR?
I know I know what you’re thinking. You’re not in your 20s anymore, you may have family responsibilities and financial constraints, and it’s not as if you’re not home dawdling your thumbs with extra time on your hands looking for things to do.
Maybe with work commitments, it’s just not feasible.
But what if it WAS?
WHAT IF you could find a way?
In my experience first just saying YES and then getting out of the way for the Universe to conspire to help things along is the easiest and fastest way, usually within a few months opportunities will always present themselves in magical ways.
In math, a double negative results in a positive.
This also appears to be true in life.
When we’re feeling challenged we can move, and add something that challenges us further…and the result is a net positive.
We grow.
It can be a physical challenge, but it doesn’t need to be. When I went to Kripalu the first time I was in pain and could barely walk so it forced me into a quiet stillness and the challenge was purely mental.
The net positive feels like coming home but in a new way.
There is a Chinese saying that makes me smile, “There is no scenery in your hometown”. Being in another place heightens our senses, it allows us to see more, enjoy more, and take delight in small things; we feel more alive.
T.S. Elliot expresses it beautifully…
“We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, remembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree
Not known, because not looked for
But heard, half-heard, in the stillness
Between two waves of the sea.
—T.S. Eliot, from “Little Gidding,” Four Quartets (Gardners Books; Main edition, April 30, 2001) Originally published 1943.”
Aware of it or not, we seek something whole and healed in life that instinctively draws us deeper into ourselves.
The Spiritual Pilgrimage
A spiritual pilgrimage is a sacred journey (typically on foot) that provides an opportunity to reconnect with yourself, nature, and maybe even a higher power of your understanding.
All 5 great world religions — Hinduism, Buddhism, Judaism, Christianity, Islam— have a tradition of spiritual pilgrimage, but a pilgrimage doesn’t need a religious connotation. Thousands of people take spiritual pilgrimages to change their perspective, commune with others, and search for deeper meaning in the world around them.
Either way, the ultimate goal of a pilgrimage isn’t in reaching your destination, but in the sheer pleasure of the journey itself.
Anyone can have a fun, inspiring, and challenging few days or weeks.
It may seem obvious, but the beauty of solo traveling is that you can go at your own pace and have your own unique experience.
You can also:
stop as often as you wish
go as long as you like
develop independence, courage, and self-confidence
realize your resourcefulness
experience complete freedom
have a sense of achievement when you summit, cross the finish line, or make it to the cathedral (you may even cry with relief)
gain healing self-reflections and insights
quiet ALL outside influences and finding clarity on what YOU want
If time and money weren’t an issue where would you stay or what would you want to see?
The first step is to simply allow yourself to imagine the possibilities.
It can be super simple like staying in a tiny cabin in the woods near your home for $100 a night or an Airbnb with a view like this…
Or maybe you just crave a small break from your regular life to commune with nature. To pop a tent and lie beneath the canopy of stars or the northern lights and listen to the night sounds.
During COVID-19, my husband and I built a quinzhee or quinzee /ˈkwɪnziː/ on the top of Blue Mountain in the woods which is a Canadian snow shelter made from a large pile of loose snow that is shaped and then hollowed a bit like this…and best of all it didn’t cost a penny (and thankfully we didn’t get arrested for trespassing:)
Can you see new possibilities?
‘Ah, Harry, we have to stumble through so much dirt and humbug before we reach home. And we have no one to guide us. Our only guide is our homesickness.’
Hermine to Harry in Hermann Hesse’s Steppenwolf
Two friends recently shared their own powerful experiences on unique solo adventures…
I met the beautiful soul that is Sarah Hepburn through a community of entrepreneurs (she’s a fellow Monarch). Sarah loves to write and hike as much as I do and we also have grown-ish aged children so we became fast friends. We took a hike together in Collingwood last fall and on that walk, she shared her dream to walk the Camino Trail.
And this month, she did it!!
She chose a 126 km route from Valença do Minho in Portugal to Santiago de Compostela Spain (on the Portuguese Camiño) with just her hiking shoes and what she carried on her back. Sarah texted me a moving voice memo to share some meaningful highlights and her gratitude for this powerful experience…
“The solitary aspect was by far and away the biggest thing for me. I was moved. Just walking in the shadow of the beautiful Catholic Church and spending some time sitting in a well-cared-for graveyard filled with fresh flowers, reading all the tombs, and reflecting on my own life.”
Sarah Hepburn
Here is a tiny taste of Sarah’s simply wise advice:
1. Don’t wait - If you’ve been thinking about doing something do it now. There will never be a right time.
2. Do it scared - This walk had been on my mind for a long time but I only finally booked it about six weeks ago. I overthought everything because I was scared. What would the path look like? What will I eat? Will I have the right clothes? My fears almost stopped me from going.
You can read more about Sarah’s journey on the Camino and in life through her Instagram @_sarahhepburn, and her Substack.
I also thoroughly enjoyed reading her book last year which the Substack was named after Walking Forward -every week I’d read a new chapter sitting under a canopy of trees in nature reflecting on her words. I admire the simplicity of her work, the short easy-to-read bite-sized chapters, and the way she draws her readers to reflect on their own experiences.
If a spiritual pilgrimage is not for you, maybe Brandon’s story will inspire you to try something a bit different…
I met Brandon when I joined his co-working space in Collingwood, Ontario called The Foundry. He’s been instrumental in the business growth of many appreciative entrepreneurs in our community. Here he is with his bestie Dean who is also an adventurer. Don’t let his tiny size or tongue-out vibe fool you - Full-of-beans-Dean as he is affectionately called has his own IG and has hiked the entire Bruce Trail.
What I like most about Brandon is that he’s a great listener, he’s also humble, and kind. He loves his dog, woodworking, hiking, and being in nature so we became fast friends. I admire how he serves our greater community, including holding a seat on our Town’s city council. My husband and I recently did a walk with him to raise money for youth experiencing homelessness in our community.
Needless to say, he’s busy and is juggling several projects, but he always seems to be able to make time for everyone.
After a particularly challenging year, Brandon planned his very own solo pilgrimage of sorts. He set his sights on a Trans-Rockies race called RUN THE ROCKS on the legendary singletrack of Moab, Utah. He also did some nail-biting off-road traveling with his Jeep over steep terrain through the rocky desert.
“My trip to Moab was as much about testing the resilience of my mind as it was my body. After having experienced a challenging year where many things in my life seemed to fall apart, I decided I needed to do something different. I had been stuck in a cycle of worry, depression, and stress for months and needed to do something to break out of it.
The solo 28-hour road trip in my Jeep and the 85km trail run that followed became a meditative and reflective journey that ultimately challenged me mentally and physically and presented itself as a great metaphor that sometimes life gets hard but we do have the resilience to push ourselves beyond our own perceived limits if we let go of the beliefs that are holding us back.
The only thing that stops us is our mind. Coincidentally, that's the only thing that can also free us, when we decide to let go of certain beliefs and choose to believe something different.”
Brandon Houston
I love reading Brandon’s writing.
It’s so grounded and relatable. You can read more about Brandon’s adventure and more of his work on MEDIUM.
**SIDE NOTE: Faced with the tough terrain, the high altitude, and back-to-back days of long mileage to cover, Brandon reached out to another member of our local community (and Field member:) endurance coach Andrew Flynn to help him prepare. If you have a goal but feel a bit anxious about your chosen goal and you’d like the support I wholeheartedly recommend Andrew - Scott and I have also used his services for some long-distance swim training- so if you’re in the market for expert advice or endurance coaching don’t hesitate to reach out to @andrewflynncoaching on Instagram to find out if he can help you prepare for your adventure.
"The story ends up being a journey of self-discovery."
Elijah Wood.
I’ve been reflecting on this topic this week wondering where my desire to travel came from. I was reminded of a book I read in High School.
Do you remember reading the book “Walkabout” by James Vance Marshall?
It was on our grade 9 syllabus in Canada in the 1980s, so maybe bit outdated being from the 1950s, but it was based on two (white) schoolchildren who are left to fend for themselves in the Australian Outback after a plane crash and who come across a teenage Aboriginal boy who helps them to survive. It was popular at the time, they even made it into a movie in the early 70s.
Looking back I suspect it could have been seeded into me by that book, or maybe the influence of my Dad’s love of the Great outdoors and growing up with dirt in my fingernails, but somewhere in between my inherited ideas and love for the natural world was the embedded deep into my psyche the desire for a coming-of-age spiritual ritual that involved being in nature and going off on my own.
I was itching to travel when I turned 18. Maybe I was just in a hurry to grow up.
My first solo trip was out west in a place you don’t even need to visit to be able to imagine how magical my first solo hikes were.
I was struck by a deep desire to interrupt my “regular” life to go on a solo journey.
I met so many great people like Travis who loved mountains as much as I do and somehow managed to convince me to try sushi for the first time in Banff.
My next trip was to Europe… more mountains!!
Feeling on top of the world in Chamonix on Mont Blanc - yes that’s me before Leo and Kate made this arm splay famous. I loved staying in a tent on the mountain -I’ll never forget watching the sunrise from my sleeping bag.
And then off to Africa a few years later where we felt the thundering waterfalls in our whole bodies. This is me with my friend Bucky (photo taken by his girlfriend Jen - now wife:)
I’ve instinctively headed out to nature in every place I’ve ever spent time in from Swaziland and South America to Bora Bora and Botswana.
Even at home, when I’m feeling heady and blah at home I head for the trails and experience an inner shift.
Do you ever feel like you’re beginning to wilt?
Do you sometimes feel like ever since you’ve become a grown-up everything gets planned and there seems to be very little white space in your calendar for spontaneous adventures? Our lives can begin to feel bogged down by our need to constantly steer, control, and schedule.
It feels like we’re often heading to Toronto Pearson now to drop our kids off to experience new things in faraway lands while we make bigger dents in our sofa cushions. And of course when we listen and give ourselves what we need, even for a weekend our well-being (sanity) and personal fulfillment benefit our entire extended family.
When we decide even to head out on our own to the woods behind our homes, or hit a trail in a faraway land, two things happen:
First, it forces us to fend -which makes us feel alive and engaged and wonderfully “off schedule” - we can’t just blindly follow, we need to make decisions for ourselves and note which end is up.
Second, it reminds us of our powerlessness. Nature has a self-organizing rhythm of its’ own that can’t and won’t be controlled. Waves roll, cliffs drop off and rivers flood as perfect conflations bigger than us and more perfect than our feeble attempts to steer things.
It’s a deep subliminal reminder that flowers don’t try to bloom. They just do.
Leaves allow themselves to fall off the branch when the time is right for them to die.
Nature is like our very own grounded life coach, quietly demonstrating how to live well.
So why do we find ourselves doing the very opposite of trusting? We plan, we pray, we pine and plead for a better or different future with our goal-setting but there is rarely space for anything new in our already cluttered lives.
Open Space.
To just BE.
I suspect it’s even why spring cleaning feels SO darn good because it frees up space.
In physics, there is a term “horror vacui” or “plenism” commonly stated as "nature abhors a vacuum". It explains why even if we manage to clear some time and space to try to dig ourselves out of a dark place or even tidy up our homes those empty spaces are often immediately filled with more of the same.
In nature, we’re made aware of our smallness and impotence – we’re also made aware of the bigger picture that our lives are a perfect conflation of self-organizing forces that can’t be controlled.
Sweet relief.
When there are rocks to clamber over, spider webs, and puddles to dodge – it seems like nature’s powerful elixir to shut down tedious, ruminative thoughts lulls our attention back to the present moment when we connect and plug into the ecosystem of all that is.
Neuroscientists at the Berkeley Social Interaction Laboratory have also found awe-inspiring natural experiences release oxytocin and a University of Michigan study found that because our senses evolved in nature, by getting back to it we connect more honestly with our sensory reactions. Which connects us with our true selves, and enhances a feeling of “oneness”.
It improves our well-being and moves us to deep, satisfying realizations that reset our thinking.
Watching sunsets, camping under the stars, coming face-to-face with a deer in a forest (remember that turning point scene in the cult film Stand by Me?) – such experiences have been shown to have a universal effect. Some call it the Wilderness effect.
The Wilderness effect is real.
The wilderness effect describes the psychological effects of being in the wilderness for a week or more although it feels pretty immediate to me saying something unoriginal like “Wow”, or “So beautiful!”, usually followed by a soft sigh. There are several aspects to the effect, but fundamentally it involves “feelings of expansion or reconnection” which many researchers describe as spiritual (Greenway, 1995: 128).
The longer I spend in nature, the more reverence and respect I feel for all of life.
Hiking solo has a multitude of other mental and physical benefits too many to list and it even increases our attention spans and creative problem-solving skills by as much as 50 percent when our devices seem to be pulling us the other way.
Maybe the biggest shift for me was my mental health. I can remember feeling so depressed and stuck and just weeping openly on the Bruce Trail and eventually quiet naturally in time feeling whole again. This study (along with thousands of others) shows that being in nature can help people with severe depression feel less hopeless, depressed, and suicidal so it just seems like common sense to add nature into whatever other conventional modalities you seek.
Being in the mountains makes me feel small, humble, and alive.
“The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before.”
— Albert Einstein
Fear is a funny thing. It is meant to keep us safe but it can end up limiting our experience of life and ourselves.
If you are already afraid, then every experience you have is filtered with fear. We don’t need to see the whole staircase.
Just the next step.
In the immortal words of Lao Tzu, “Don’t be afraid to take that first step. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
A BIG thank you today Sarah and Brandon for sharing your stories with us.
I’d love to hear about your next adventure now that you know the truth (that T.S. Elliot knew all along) that what we’re ultimately seeking can be “half-heard in the stillness between two waves of the sea”.
Traveling solo seems to be about reconnecting with ourselves, having a new appreciation for others, and our homes, and permitting ourselves to thank and leave the old story behind and write a new story for our life.
You’ve GOT this!
With love
Rev Nona
PS. Two parting gifts for you today - a song and a top 10 list…
This song by Colten Jesse is called “Sorrow Symphony”. It’s a country tune - I heard our son listening to it the other day and asked him who it was (I should probably share that he was also making dinner for us which may have had me in a euphoric state), but I loved the down to earth realness of his voice and the lyrics seemed right.
Do any of these tug on your heartstrings? Please don’t limit yourself there are thousands of options but to give you an idea scan down this list to see if any catch your eye…
National Geographic’s top 10 pilgrim routes:
1. Abraham’s Path, The Middle East
This epic 1,243-mile route starts in Harran, Turkey, where God is said to have called upon Abraham to ‘go forth’, and rambles on through Egypt, Palestine, Israel, and Jordan.
2. Via Francigena, UK, France & Italy
A 1,200-mile route connecting Canterbury to Rome via France, the Swiss Alps, and the Italian Apennines, passing churches and shrines devoted to St Francis.
3. Adam’s Peak, Sri Lanka
In Sri Lanka’s Central Highlands, this conical, 7,360-foot-high peak is home to a footprint that’s said to belong to Adam, Buddha, or Shiva (depending on your faith:)
*Sarah’s route…drum roll…
4. The Camino de Santiago! (Portugal, Spain & France)
The Portuguese wild Atlantic coast unravels before you on this uncrowded trail from Lisbon (380 miles) or Porto (140 miles) to Santiago de Compostela or the Camino Frances or the Camino del Norte in Northern Spain.
5. Mount Kailash, Tibet
This three-day, 32-mile circuit of sacred 21,778ft Mount Kailash in Tibet is what is referred to as the holiest mountain in the Himalayas and is said to bring good fortune.
6. Lourdes, France
The 92-mile Piemont Route connects St-Jean-Pied-de-Port and Lourdes, a holy pilgrimage site since 1858 when Bernadette Soubirous claimed to have witnessed 18 apparitions of the Virgin Mary. For 159 years, millions of the faithful from all over the world have flocked to Lourdes, where, it is said, the sick can be healed miraculously.
7. St Magnus Way, Scotland
This one speaks to me…the wide-open horizons, space, and silence of Orkney’s coastline enthrall this 58-mile route honoring the island’s patron saint.
8. Kumano Kodō, Japan
Okay…this one does too! This network of ancient trails dives into the remote, densely forested, shrine-topped mountains of the Kii Peninsula, Japan’s spiritual heartland.
9. Via Coloniensis, Germany
Grand abbeys and palaces punctuate this 152-mile trail, uniting the former Roman cities of Cologne and Trier, where fourth-century St Peter’s Cathedral is a highlight.
10. St Finbarr’s Way, Ireland
Traversing three mountain ranges, this 22-mile pilgrimage begins at the Top of the Rock in Dromdaleague, County Cork, where sixth-century monk St Finbarr once preached.
I loved this piece Nona! Thank you for sharing part of my story as well. Solo travel can definitely seem scary but I think it's good to get outside of our comfort zone. Utah was my second big solo road trip, the first being across Canada, and I've definitely been bitten by the bug.
There's something special about the contemplative silence of travelling on your own, whether it's on a long road trip or hiking through desert and mountains. It brings you back to yourself and I think in some way provides healing of your soul.
I loved the list you shared. Scotland is on my list hopefully this year because I'd like to do the West Highland Way. The Camino has been on my mind for well over a year now as well, so Sarah's story has really inspired me to take another look at that. Getting back to my solo back country camping is another thing I'm looking forward to this year.
Nona! Love everything about this. Walking part of the Camino has set the wheels in motion for many more walks. It has opened up possibility that I haven't felt in years.
The biggest question I get asked from people is if I was worried about travelling on my own. I love that you have offered ways to ease into solo travel for those who might be new to it.
Now ... on to planning my next adventure!