Let it Shine

Delighting Ourselves by Serving Others

Sunset Behind The Lighthouse at Peggy's Cove Near Halifax

Lighthouses do not run all over an island looking for people to save; they just stand there shining.

Ann Lamott

There is a lot of talk about light these days.

Us being the light. God or Source being light.

Light cannot be anything other than what it is. It's made of photons; it’s bright; it dispels darkness; it enables people to see what they are doing.

Jesus applies the title to himself in the Bible.

I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.

Jesus (John 8:12)

I used to think that being of service was more about going out into the world and looking for people to rescue or help, but now I realize that it’s codependent and not super helpful to do that to either the person I’m supposedly helping or myself.

Most people really just need us to listen to them, they don’t need us to interfere or try to fix things for them. They can. Judging and trying to control their situation will only result in them feeling like they can’t be trusted to handle the situation themselves. But we can serve in a more authentic, compassionate, respectful, and unconditionally loving way.

It’s like shining a light on what is Real and True and allowing the darkness to fall away.

When we analyze the darkness we make our fears seem more real. We alchemize that false evidence of our fear into an anxiety so powerful it can take us down. We simply can’t beat darkness with a baseball bat or do anything to it, it simply disappears when we turn on the light.

“Be a lamp unto yourself.”

Buddha

We may sometimes think we’re being authentic, but our own darkness or egos can sure be sneaky when it comes to our giving or being of service.

When our friends are doing a charity event they post on social media to ask their friends to help them reach their fundraising goal if we decide to reluctantly part with our money when we are asked by the site if we’d like to donate anonymously or have our name listed. Hmmmm… right?

Our ego wants to be fed and for us to take credit for our good deeds. We may want to give money, but a part of us also really wants to see our names on the hospital wing too.

Is this wrong? It’s not really good or bad, but it’s just something for us to be aware of. Our egos keep track.

If you invite me for dinner then it’s my turn to invite you back. If you send me a Christmas card then I send one to you. If you don’t maybe you’ll eventually be off the list. If you do something nice for me, I send you a thank you note. It’s the polite thing to do, right? It’s even expected in our culture and if we don’t we disappoint others or offend them.

So we do.

It can be confusing for us what true giving even means.

“Darkness does not come to light, light has to go to darkness.”

Krishna to Arjuna ~ Bhagavad Gita

Why does it even matter?

Because it affects our wellbeing.

Authentic giving feels more like giving without the expectation of a return. It’s above and beyond and it often delights and surprises us.

Jesus taught that we are not supposed to keep tabs, just the opposite we are supposed to give and forgive debts. In the Gospel of Matthew 5:40 - it says that if “anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well”. It has a very different vibe from the litigious society we’ve all been participating in.

It also just feels a bit offside and we all feel it when it’s an obligation or when someone is doing something to get something from us or wants us to do something.

Have you ever noticed, that when you go to a restaurant, there is a moment at the end of the meal when servers really turn on the charm? They may have been efficient and provided good service so you planned on tipping them fairly, but then they really pour it on, and ask you personal questions and it can often feel inauthentic or forced. Deep down some part of you realizes that this is transactional. It’s sort of nice, but there is a different feeling or energy behind their extra attention and so while it’s always nice to engage with others, it doesn’t always feel authentic.

Speaking of restaurants, another subscriber to the Field recently recommended this amazing book called “Unreasonable Hospitality” by Will Guidara about the remarkable power of giving people more than they expect.

I don’t even remember the last time I enjoyed reading a book so much.

It’s based on the author’s experience of being a partner in and running a famous restaurant in New York City, but it’s really perfect for anyone in the service industry or even just having a family. I recommend it to anyone. There is a great Audible version too and Will has a soothing voice that makes you sad when it ends.

I’m more open-minded about giving now because of it. Maybe it really can be tied to our income or success, but there is a way to do it that somehow changes the whole game.

It touches on our intense desire to feel a sense of belonging and how we can give that gift to one another. The feeling we can get when we delight and surprise others when we treat others in a way that makes them feel welcome.

In eleven years it helped turn the restaurant in New York City “Elven Madison Park” into the number one restaurant in the world.

“Service is black and white; hospitality is color. Black and white means you’re doing your job with competence and efficiency; “color” means you make people feel great about the job you’re doing for them. Getting the right plate to the right person at the right table is a service. But genuinely engaging with the person you’re servicing, so you can make an authentic connection - that’s hospitality.”

Will Guidara

What I loved about this book were the stories he told. I even cried twice. One story about his Mom and the story when he found out they received FOUR coveted Stars. They did it by offering such personalized over-the-top service that it could only be called unreasonable.

While I was thinking of writing this post, it came to me that in the TV show “The Bear” there is coincidentally a memorable show, I think it’s episode 7 in season 2 that stood out and we later discovered that it was based on this very restaurant (Eleven Madison Park). I can remember saying at the end of the episode saying “Wow, that was good”, so I was so happy to read about how it all came to be.

The character Richie is doing a free internship to learn how to help run an exceptional restaurant. After he resentfully and then respectfully learns how to polish about 2 million forks he’s indoctrinated into the magic of fine dining.

At a pre-service meeting, they are going over a list of PONs (Persons of Note) which includes two high school teachers who have been saving up to dine at the restaurant. The staff is told to bust out the caviar and champagne for them, to give them a tour of the kitchen, and, most importantly, not to drop a bill. “We’re not gonna let these people spend a dollar.” The camera, for a brief moment, dwells on Richie’s face, as he’s discovering, for the first time, that a restaurant is more than a place that serves food.

Then Richie has his big moment. A table is overheard saying that they’ve never had deep-dish pizza before and this is set in Chicago. He secretly gets one from Pequod’s (a famous local deep-dish pizza restaurant) and runs there and back in his suit and tie. The chef turns it into a little modernist rendition of a deep dish, bite-sized rounds with hazelnut gel and micro basil. Richie delivers it to the table.

That act of giving joy changes him.

It totally transforms HIS life and how he shows up.

These acts of hospitality were pioneered at Will’s restaurant, where a person, dubbed “the Dreamweaver”, was enlisted to do research on guests and create little surprises. Later, there is even a scene when Richie is seen reading Will's book who pioneered these little surprises.

My biggest takeaway so far is that we can ALL create a culture of hospitality in everything we do. It makes sense to do it where we have something to gain from a transaction like in our business or work, but also being a parent, a neighbor, a daughter, a sibling, or a friend so it’s not just our business that improves, but our WHOLE lives.

Will’s concept of “unreasonable hospitality” applies to every business and even the gifts that each of us buy for loved ones, because we’re all in the business of serving other people.

It’s not just about doing, it’s a way of being in the world.

“Why has light been such a favorite symbol of God? Perhaps because light itself cannot be seen. We become aware of its presence when it enables us to see other things. Similarly, we cannot see God, but we become aware of God’s presence when we see the beauty of the world and when we experience love and the goodness of our fellow human beings.”

Eitz Hayim (Commentary, p. 503).

When we gaze at the beautiful burning candles of the menorah or even at Christmas candles and lights, we are reminded of the Divine. As the light of the menorah or the Christmas tree illuminates our homes and the glowing faces of our loved ones, we can feel it. How blessed we are to have this experience of life. Light in every spiritual tradition becomes a tool for opening our souls to God’s light and spreading that light into the world around us.

Today is quite literally about letting our giving light shine so bright everywhere we go we can really give the gift of our divine presence to others in silence. To REALLY listen and not talk or tell just quietly shining our spotlight into the darkness all around to demonstrate an act of giving with a genuine smile and love that is uncommon or even unprecedented in our daily rounds.

To simply make other people FEEL good because we can.

To light the way like a glow worm or bug.

I’m sure that we are all inspired by the lofty way our religious prophets have served and demonstrated this level of unreasonable love and sacrifice for others. People who give their lives in mystifying ways like St Francis of Assisi, Jesus, Gandhi, Mother Theresa, and Martin Luther King.

But to be honest, it almost seems so unreasonably amazing that for many of us, it can be difficult to relate to when we’re on the defense. We can’t imagine tackling civil rights or helping the dying in the streets of Calcutta when we’re sleep deprived and just struggling to make ends meet or pack lunches for our kids, not let others down at work, sleep on clean sheets and not grow anything harmful in our washrooms.

It can all feel a bit overwhelming to think of shining our light in the world in our day-to-day lives.

I’d like to tell you the story of a man who has been one of the greatest examples of this I’ve ever encountered.

His name is Daniel Opoku and I’m almost 100% certain you’ve never heard of him. He is the station master at Mortlake train station in South West London. Commuters describe him as friendly, kind, helpful, considerate, warm, bubbly, smiling, and good-natured.

He’s maybe a tiny bit famous in the West of London because he has had a bit of press and he did win the National Customer Service Awards for the whole of the UK for spreading goodwill to all. He doesn’t ask for tips or anything in return, he’s all about setting others up to have a good day or being better off for having crossed his path.

I heard about him through a friend who has traveled on his route many times and has been deeply touched by his light.

He’s a wonderful human being and a blessing to everyone who knows him in simple and subtle ways. People who visit the station every morning are greeted by Daniel’s smile. He calls people by their first names and gets to know their families. He asks about kids by name shows a sincere interest and remembers everyone.

He’s not over the top or phony, he simply treats everyone equally whether they acknowledge him or not, and he always seems delighted with their presence. It would seem to any onlooker that he’s simply selling train tickets but what he’s really doing is THE most important job of all.

He loves others by shining his light.

When people move through the dark tunnels of the tube and feel the disconnected monotony of commuting every day while making very little eye connection with others or are even acknowledged as surrounded by others, he helps them find their way home.

He remembers people’s names and sometimes even sings birthday and anniversary songs over the PA and others on the platforms spontaneously join in. His colleagues love working a shift with him because he makes coming to work fun.

His passengers and manager even nominated him and he was chosen to carry the Olympic torch during the London Olympics in 2012 and he was delighted to pass it off to Olympic boxer Lennox Lewis.

He’s been doing the same job for over 25 years but every day is a new day.

Here’s a video so you can see him in action if you like…

Most importantly, he’s just a regular guy. He immigrated from Ghana about 30 years ago.

We are all capable of this.

When we bless the world, we affirm our own blessedness, and our own blessedness in turn allows us to bless the world.

It energizes us.

We feel as good as we possibly could.

And on and on the cycle goes.

Daniel is a local legend in the UK who is having a positive impact not just in Mortlake, but today on you and me. I’m sure he never would have dreamed that he could do that by simply loving and respecting his customers and going above and beyond.

I was texting with an old girlfriend a few weeks ago who loyally reads this Substack every Sunday to give me some honest feedback to improve my writing. What she shared was helpful to me and I’d like to take this opportunity to broaden the feedback to ask all of you.

If you have a moment can you please share how can I better serve you?

I feel like I just opened my first restaurant and I want to work out the kinks and be a better writer. I could spend more time editing them, making these posts shorter, and more digestible. Make voiceovers for the longer posts or even for all of them.

I feel compelled to keep showing up to help in the best way I can and I know I can’t be everything to everyone, but I’d genuinely love to hear from you so that I can keep this relevant and helpful in service to you.

• How is this substack helpful to you?

• What would you like to see more or less of?

I am grateful for your honesty, I appreciate your time and I know that you are the only ones that can help make this an incredible Sunday edition to your inbox, something you look forward to opening, that inspires you, and stays with you for days afterward. Feel free to post your comment publically or just reply to this directly.

I love the idea that the Olympic flame symbolizes the light of spirit, knowledge, and life. Bypassing the flame from one person to another in stages, the Torch Relay expresses the handing down of this symbolic fire from generation to generation.

It ignites something in me when I imagine what’s possible for all of us with our families and our businesses if we really take this to heart today.

The way Mortlake station master Daniel Opoku does it in his own way.

The way Will Giuarda and his restaurant team do a better job in their own unique way.

This week is an invitation for all of us to simply look for opportunities to make other people FEEL good.

Not because we have to.

But because we can.

With love & beams of light,

Rev Nona