Love For No Reason

Nowhere to Call Home

Feb 11, 2024

I was on a walk with my husband Scott and our dog Gracie last week and I was telling him a story I’d recently heard about a couple that had been married for several decades.

When the husband asked the wife if she loved him, she responded,

“Of course, yes, I love you dear”.

Then he asked pointedly, “What do you love about me?”

She quickly responded… “Nothing”.

At first, he was crestfallen, “What do you mean, nothing? Nothing at all?”

She smiled and explained that she didn’t love him for any reason. Not because of his intelligence, looks, wealth, charm, or how well he treated her.

But she loved him JUST BECAUSE.

That is, not for any particular reason.

Then she went on to explain to him that if he lost his job, his money, his looks, his health, or even his memory of her, she would still love him.

Just because.

This story stuck with me because it describes a kind of non-judgemental or unconditional love that I couldn’t even have imagined possible when I first got together with my husband 30 years ago.

I’m sure we’ve all heard Corinthians 13 being read at weddings, but do any of us even relate to this brand of love?

If Google is right and the average relationship lasts 2.9 years and we know about half of our marriages end in divorce we’re not loving each other in this “never fail” kind of way.

Let’s be real. Most of us are more familiar with a much more ego-based conditional kind of special relationship.

One where we’re a bit more impatient, not always kind, and much more self-seeking.

We are looking to have our own needs met and we’re easily angered and “delighting in evil” when our expectations are not met.

Our egos make a mental record of the wrongs they’ve done. We keep track of who is doing what and who spends what. We keep score. Not to mention the irritating habits, the annoying quirks, and who can resist giving their partner grief if they’ve used the last bit of toilet paper neglected to replace the roll.

So what does it take for us to experience this other kind of True love?

That’s something worth sitting with this Valentine’s Day.

Who do we need to be to love others this way?

I’ve been with Scott for 30 years and every year we seem to be drifting closer to the description in this Corinthians passage through no conscious effort of our own.

There seems to be a direct correlation between the length of my list of grievances and this love.

The shorter it gets, the closer we get.

They are practically non-existent, I genuinely feel like I hold no grievances.

“Love holds no grievances.”

ACIM

As nice as it is to go through life with someone, having a good partner doesn’t prevent us from having our struggles.

In the image at the top of this post are two Christmas cards on the bulletin board that bookended my 40s.

In 2012 I was standing beside a wonderful man and I was dying inside. I felt stuck and depressed.

In 2021, I felt whole. I was standing beside a wonderful man watching a sunset down by the waterfront and I was filled with a deep peace, love, and an unshakeable joy.

What happened?

I experienced a powerful inner shift from fear to love inside myself and it was a TOTAL game changer.

We’ve never seen a therapist consciously put in effort to improve our relationship - it has just happened naturally.

I know that I’m a lucky girl.

My husband is one of the good ones. He’s very considerate, genuine and honest. He has a playful enthusiasm and kindness that’s uncommon but when I was unhappy, it was hard to appreciate that. I projected my fears onto him and I kept a list of grievances.

I don’t do that kind of list anymore.

Here’s a new kind of list that plays in my mind about Scott now…

I love his inability to resist a Dad joke and how he sends them to the kids and me most days. Hearing him laugh at them when he tries to tell them is often funnier than the joke itself….
“If you drive a Subaru backward what are you? u r a buS.”
“Two antennas got married…the ceremony was OK, but the reception was excellent.”
The meticulous way he chops up the uniform bite-sized pieces of vegetables when he cooks and the artful way he piles perfect food combinations on his fork with every bite.
How he sticks his tongue out when he’s in deep concentration or learning something new.
How he “raps” like he’s Eminem on 8 Mile.
The way he subtly wears his hood up at the dinner table to imitate the boys and no one ever says anything, and then keeps it up for the entire meal.
How he always waits for everyone to get to the table before he starts to eat.
How he stealthily sneaks up on us and the dog when he comes home or from working the basement.
How his inherited Morrow family sneezes sounds like some kind of ceremonial battle cry to their ancestors.
How tight jar lids, scary movies, misplaced car keys, and something unexpectedly falling out of our overstuffed fridge can get the better of him.
I love that we have a secret handshake and we use it.
How he enthusiastically knuckles me back on the couch to silently acknowledge the best parts of our shows and movies.
How excited he gets when I bring him a coffee in bed.
How often he misplaces his glasses on his head.
The way he considers Siri his friend and talks to her during football games and how gleeful her unexpected answers encourage him to keep asking her more things.
How he notices wildlife on every road trip we take and how effortlessly he can get everyone playing “name that tune” or the car game.
How he has 100 pairs of running shoes for every occasion and keeps track of the mileage he has on each pair.
How much he loves Michael Jackson and is not afraid to admit it.
How he celebrates me when I have a stellar hand at cribbage even when he’s losing.
The way he tucks his dressy work shirts into his track pants for his Zoom calls.
The way he joyfully hoots and hollers when he skis in powder.
How well he listens.
How he always tries to do the right thing even when no one is looking.

WHAT’S ON YOUR LIST??

I’d love to hear what you are noticing about the people you are closest to.

Yes, of course, dogs and cats count too.

This unwavering and unchanging peace of mind is felt when we connect to the place where love resides inside of ourselves (even when the toilet seat is left up).

It’s never dependent on us having a good or bad day and it’s also not about bypassing or trying to feel something we don’t.

When we embody this love, our perceptions are shifted BY it.

We’re the same US on the outside, but I’ve noticed that we begin to have a new inner capacity to love others AS THEY ARE.

When we make this shift, we can finally love ourselves exactly as WE are.

We no longer operate from fear or judgment.

That means I can make a mistake and my husband can wear his track pants pulled up to his earlobes with his sweater tucked in and socks in his Birkenstocks and we’re okay.

I have no relationship advice to give this Valentine’s Day, but I do know about the power of this unconditional love and there is nothing it can’t do or undo.

We can learn to shift our perceptions, forgive and see others as guiltless, and witness the miracles in ALL of our relationships.

The potential to live and move and have our being in this higher human experience is inside ALL of us.

It’s not about an idealized morality or a “right way” to be, it’s an unchanging spiritual law at our core.

And even when we forget or stray from our heart and fall into fear…

We can RETURN to love.

Every morning my intentions or spiritual practices can help bring me back home to this unconditional love and it’s enough for it to stay with me throughout the day.

“When you change the way you look at something, that thing you look at changes”

Wayne Dyer

Well, it’s a miracle. It FINALLY happened…

A 9 minute post.

The list of good things keeps growing!!

With love,

Rev Nona

Nowhere To Call Home:

I’m deeply moved by the plight of the youngest among us who are experiencing homelessness through no fault of their own. Most of the artful black and white images above are by Lee Jeffries.

Lee was an accountant who was in London, England to run a marathon. On the day before the race, Jeffries thought he would wander the city to take pictures. Near Leicester Square, he trained his 5D camera with a long, 70-200 lens on a young, homeless woman who was huddled in a sleeping bag among Chinese food containers. “She spotted me and started shouting, drawing the attention of passersby,” Jeffries says. “I could have just walked away in an embarrassed state, or I could have gone over and apologized to her.” He chose the latter, crossed the street, and sat with the woman. The eighteen-year-old, whose complexion indicated she was addicted to drugs, told Jeffries her story: her parents had died, leaving her without a home and she now lived on the streets of London.

Societies often classify homeless youths as juvenile delinquents, which results in exclusion, criminalization, and oppression. Data was collected from 49 studies with a total of 13,559 participants from 24 countries, including 21 developing countries. No one was older than 24.

39 percent of participants cited poverty as their reason for homelessness. About 32 percent reported family conflict as their reason for being on the streets, and about 26 percent cited abuse.

Today’s challenge is to help raise this little thermometer a few degrees in the next two weeks to support youth experiencing hurt, hunger, and homelessness.

At the moment, I have 4 sponsors and they all coincidentally have the last name Morrow (and one of them is our dog:)

You can find out more information or donate HERE.

Any amount would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks for reading! I’ll be back in March for those of you with free Subscriptions and those of you with paid subscriptions will be seeing more of me on video starting next week!